I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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