it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
