hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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