I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
