you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
