How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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