My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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