I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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