thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize