so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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