I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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