i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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