I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
