Banned from zoo.
Again?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
