i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
