I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
