He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
