So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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