"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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