Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
