I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
