I want to have your abortion
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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