i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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