I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
