i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
