His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
