Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
