I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
