Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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