My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
