I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
