the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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