I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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