I faked an abortion last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
