its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
