hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just threw up on my dentist
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This baby is an asshole
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
