I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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