Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize