MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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