I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the liver wants what the liver wants
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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