dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
