Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
