This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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