I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
