i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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