Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
