carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
