Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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