Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
