I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Less talking, more tequila
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
