You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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