Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
