so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
