I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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