90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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