your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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