toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I will be naked everywhere
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize