It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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