if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize