i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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