i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
BRING THE BAGELS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize