I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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