Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
