I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
