Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize