and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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