The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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