D3 body, D1 cock
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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