It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
