I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
