so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
