oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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