wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
