taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
