Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
